I have decided I am going to pop the question to Carol. In fact I have even bought a ring. Well not really a ring so much as a diamond. I guess now-a-days you buy the diamond then they put it in a "solitar" setting. You use that to propose and then both go back and let her pick out the setting. So this whole diamond purchasing thing is new to me. And I know a lot more about it now than I would have ever wanted. But really what it came down to was getting a ring that looked the prettiest, that sparkled the most. The ring I got is by no means flawless but none are visible to the naked eye. These flaws made the diamond cheaper which is good seeing as I am unemployed now...but they didn't distract from the sparkliness of the diamond at all. In fact held side by side with a more flawless diamond it was more sparkly indicating the cut is better. OR something...regardless enough about diamonds.
I don't know really why I decided to do it. For the longest time I was waiting for something I don't really know what. I wasn't ready. But I started thinking about it more, and I guess the moment I felt ready was after a dream. In the dream I proposed to carol in exactly the same way I was thinking...and she was so happy and I was so happy. This dream was in general really happy. At one point I woke up and I saw carol looking at me with a huge smile. I thought for sure I was talking in my sleep and she heard the whole thing. I asked her if I had been talking in my sleep and she said no...I asked her why she was smiling so and she said because she was watching me sleep. She asked me what I was dreaming and I said it was a secret. I sure hope I didn't give it away in my sleep. But at that moment seeing her smiling like that and coming off the happy dream I knew I was ready.
Soon after I went and got the diamond. I have been feeling excited and nervous at the same time. Not the bad "it is not going to work out nervous" just the butterfly type. I was really dumb to get the ring over 2 weeks before I am going to pop the question....I am lible to get ulcers. Oh well...I have been giddy and I think me knowing the prospect of carol and I getting married has made me really happy. I want to be close to carol all the time...I miss her when she is away. All emotions that were there before but now much more passionately. I wonder if it will fade with time, I sure hope it doesn’t.
I need to hold it together for two weeks that is all just two weeks. Then I will have the greatest woman of all, and I will be the luckiest man alive.